Just Me, Nikki

Minsan kailangan mong matutong mahalin kung ano yung meron ka ngayon. To make the most out of it and not take it for granted. Kasi kung lagi kang lilingon sa nakaraan, if hindi mo papakawalan yang totga na yan, hindi ka magiging masaya.

I had my chance, pero wala eh. Focus nalang sa kung anong meron ngayon.

June 09, 2024

These days, I think I put most of my effort in showing up. The old me would stress over knowing the details of how to do something first and I would overthink lot before showing up.

But now I think, I pause, then I show up and figure things out along the way. I try to not let my fear consume me.

June 01, 2024

It takes maturity to know the difference between rest and laziness. Resting is part of the process, laziness is not.

I’m one of the people who don’t really know how to rest – partly because I’m too hard on myself sometimes, and partly because I’m subconsciously afraid of being judged by others.

Because most people – when they see you and you’re not doing anything, they’re quick to assume that you’re lazy. And who are these people? Sometimes it could even be us.

But here’s the thing: Rest could mean different things to different people at any given scenario. Why are you tired? Is it fatigue from strenuous activities? Are you mentally drained? Are you emotionally tormented? It’s different for everyone and for every given scenario.

So we can’t box this whole concept of “rest” into just one narrative, i.e. laying in bed all day and watching Netflix.

Sometimes you’re watching a show or you’re scrolling endlessly on the phone but your mind is preoccupied. Or you’re doing these things to distract yourself, to escape, but you’re not actually resting.

What kind of rest do we actually need? What kind of rest do YOU really need right now? What is something that would give you peace at this very moment?

And if your answer is still binge-watching shows all day, no judgements here. It’s just different for everyone.

June 01, 2024

Okay, let’s start with the basics. Who am I? I’m a Filipina who was born and raised in Quezon City which is the capital of the Philippines. I’ve lived here most of my life.

As I’m writing this, I’m currently 26 years old turning 27 in a few months.

Right now, I’m taking up Dental Hygiene in the Philippines and I’m currently in my final year (hopefully!).

For those of you who don’t know what a dental hygienist is, let me put it this way. We’re like nurses but instead of assisting medical doctors, we assist dentists. Well, technically dentists are doctors too but you get the point. I’ll save an in depth discussion about my course in my other blog.

Ever since the pandemic, my life took a 180 degree turn. I took on roles I never would have imagined that I would take. Basically, I did a lot of things outside my comfort zone. Ironically, all of this happened while I was at the comfort of my own home.

In 2020, I started my career in freelancing. kwento abt first writing job

That same year, I took a role in our student council.

Everything was a new experience to me. Take note that I used to be the kind of person who had no extra curricular activity or whatsoever other than school so I had a lot of free time to kill that just made me sink into bad habits like nonsense chatting with strangers online.

Anyways, kasabay ng pagiging rep ko I applied as a member of a mental health support group or organization in my university.

etc etc other experiences (unfinished)

I still get triggered when I travel to places that remind me of Papa. It’s okay to miss him. I guess that feeling will never really go away; it will always lurk somewhere within me. Wish we could spend these new happy moments with him today.

We were off to my sister’s pamamanhikan this day. She decided to play some ambient music inside the car. Can’t hear it from the vid tho :p

Sino nga ba si Atlas? Let’s take a bit of recap on our Greek Mythology from High School. Atlas carried the world on his shoulders…

Atlas can also be found in the body – it’s the first spinal bone. I could never forget this because the Atlas bone in our body carries the entire head much like how Atlas carried the entire world on his back.

Ngayon na kilala mo na si Atlas, my point is… we don’t have to be like him.

There is someone stronger than me.

There is someone stronger than you.

Hindi mo kailangan buhatin ang mundo.

So last week, I started picking up a new skill or hobby which is running. Mostly brisk walking and jogging, actually.

I used to jog late nights around the Freedom park at UPLB to wind down my thoughts. I guess the difference now is I’m taking things more seriously and I’m setting realistic and achievable goals unlike before.

I was just looking for a few jogging buddies on Facebook and surprisingly there were a lot of people from the neighborhood who wanted jogging/running buddies as well. Lo and behold, I’m now one of the admins and founding members of the group. 😅

I’m aiming for consistency this time: twice a week jogging or even thrice if I can push myself.

Bottomline is, keep learning new skills. Keep upskilling yourself. When life gets a bit dull, find something to get excited about every day or every week. Don’t let your insecurities hold you back.

Another skill that I started picking up rather late was playing the piano, or electronic keyboard, in my case. It was a hand-me-down, and sayang naman if nakatambak lang at ‘di magagamit ‘di ba?

I’m actually way behind my goal right now which is learning at least one easy song a month. But that’s reality! Life gets busy; life will get along the way. So whenever I can, I just try to enjoy playing and practicing new and old songs that I know.

Being unable to hit your initial goals is STRESSFUL. Can’t stress that enough. What I try to do is adjust my goals AND EXPECTATIONS. Re-align. And above everything else, trust and enjoy the process because life is one long journey.

I got this notification from Facebook which reminds me of a story that I posted in 2019. It was three years ago when I received my first bouquet of flowers. I don’t remember what they were called but they were pretty and purple, my sister’s favorite color. I thought I knew what “love” was back then but it wasn’t what I expected it to be.

I rushed to the delivery guy waiting outside the gate, more out of embarrassment than excitement. Although I was feeling grateful and appreciated, I couldn’t help but feel shy. I wanted to hide the bouquet but it was impossible to hide something so conspicuous.

My perception of love has always been cliche, similar to rom-com movies and romance novels. I used to think that love was always romantic and I wish that I could yell at my old self for being so naive. I didn’t know that I was in for a wild ride. I didn’t sign up for late-night bickerings, anxiety, and a bunch of trauma. It wasn’t all that there was to it but the rough patches definitely made me wiser and stronger.

Feelings and relationships are a lot more complicated than they seem. It takes a lot of work and commitment especially when the lovey-dovey excitement runs out and they no longer make you feel butterflies in your stomach. But I guess being with the right person makes it simple.

Sometimes you just click with someone without even trying. They might not give you flowers all the time but working things together with them makes things easier.